This Is NOT My Park Bench

Retired is a word.  And, I've discovered that I don't like it.  I've discovered that I'm not capable of thinking of myself as a retired person.  .  

I agreed to a voluntary separation.  Just happens that I've been there long enough to also get some retirement benefits.  But, I am NOT retiring.  Not mentally.  Not bodily. Certainly not financially. 

This is NOT my park bench.

My story. My past, present and future.  My identity.  It's all, always, been about transforming my energies, my ideas, my thoughts and my desires into tangibles.

As a child I would sweep the porch for a nickle.  I would take apart my toys to see what made them work.  Then I would put them together again having both my new understanding and my proper toys.  As a teen I turned dime store remnants into my wardrobe. In college I hung lights and ran the light board in the theater. I modeled. I read aloud.  All to earn extra cash.  

During ten years of marriage I followed my man from town to town as he followed his dreams.  As we moved from town to town, I found a series of new jobs: Seamstress, Clerk, Apartment Complex Assistant Manager, Secretary, Telemarketer, Tupperware Sales, Avon Representative,  Librarian, Order Entry and more.  

Divorce was followed with an urgent effort to build a career.  Thirty years of pushing myself to climb the infamous corporate ladder.  

And now people want to call me retired.  Well, I don't know how to put on the brakes.  I'm ready to rock and roll.  As Mama Cass once sang, I'm ready to make my own kind of music and sing my own special song.  Time to dance as if no one is watching.

Done Deal

The future moves ever nearer. 

Voluntary Separation paperwork signed.

It's like the concept of friends with benefits. It's like saying "I Quit!" but with benefits. Severance, incentive, pension - all make for a softer landing as I exit Corporate America and enter my new life. 

The juxtaposition of excitement and anxiety are noticeable in the way you notice that the hairs on your arm are standing up after rubbing it with a balloon.   Vacillating occasionally to almost any emotion.  Sadness for the impending loss of the things I like about my current job and lifestyle. Fear of failure. Uncertainty of double guessing decisions made. Elation of Unlimited Possibilities. 

My list of Unlimited Possibilities continues to grow.  At the moment I'm excited about auditioning for Project Runway. I've wanted to be on that show since season one.  I want to hang out with Tim Gunn and Nina Garcia.  I want to wallow in creative competition.  And, yes, I want to win.  There's always some old woman on the show, but the old woman never seems to win.  That could be me.  The old lady contestant who finally wins.  

Meanwhile, we all know that intentions must be coupled with actions.  My list of possibilities needs to be translated into desire driven choices coupled with stepping forward into new activities.  Even if I do everything on the list, something has to be first.  While remaining open to shifting priorities, overcoming inertia feels mandatory.  So, actions begin:

• Read
• Converse
• Blog
• Timeline
• Apply
• Interview
• Watch 
• Listen
• Sign up
• Log in
• Say yes more often
• and, maybe most important - remember to breathe and to live in the moment. 

I'm going to Arkansas with friends in October.  Old Marla would have said, no thanks.  New Marla is saying yes to new adventures, new experiences and Unlimited Possibilities. 

Journey Begins

Ten more days to the first fork in the road. Stay with the same corporate position I've held for the past 18 years, or explore unlimited possibilities.  

What would you do?  

Today, I'm leaning toward unlimited possibilities.  

This all started when the company where I work offered me a Voluntary Separation Plan - aka a golden handshake. 

I was about as happy at work as I've ever been over the past 18 years.  Alas, happiness, skills, competency, contributions,etc. were not factored into the offer.  Stay or go.  I have another ten days to finalize my decision.  After that, I'll continue to work to my termination day followed by living off my severance and incentive pay while I find a new way to generate income.   

Best option appears to be:

Given the iffiness of that solution I'm starting to make a list of future career options.  

Any suggestions?

What would you do?